help refresh my memory

Who decided to put up Christmas decorations this weekend? You know, the chick who drug decorations out of the storage closet and called said closet a ‘hateful cunt’ when it refused to release the tote with all the decorations in it. The insane lady who put up a Christmas tree, realized she did it wrong, took it down, put it up again the right way, then took it down again because she decided she didn’t like the way it looked. She then proceeded to decorate the rest of the house while listening to Godsmack (very, very loud Godsmack) and getting drunk on Smirnoff Ice. Who was that chick?

Oh yeah…Fuck…that was me.

Happy Holidays Bitches


Sidenote – I am back from my trip and survived Thanksgiving; more on that later.

One of the reasons I love my family…

Keep in mind that all of this happened in a very crowded wal-mart parking lot. My ENTIRE family is present.


LaciLu – (Walking in the middle of the road but moving to the edge so a truck could pass.)

Random Redneck in truck – (Honks horn and yells out window) “Don’t you know this is a drive way for cars?”

LaciLu – (In mock innocent voice) Oh, fuck, really? I didn’t know!

Random Redneck in truck – (Speeds past us and flips off LaciLu as he drives by.)

LaciLu – (Yelling now) “Yeah, right back at ya, fuck-face!



~~10 minutes later~~

We are still in the parking lot, now loading out bags into the back of the car.


Mom – (In a very loud voice) “LaciLu, I found the panties you just bought.”

LaciLu – (In an equally loud voice) “Thanks for finding my new panties mom.”

Mom – (In a louder voice) “No problem, would you like to take your panties now or do you want me to put them in the back?”

LaciLu – (In the loudest voice yet) “I’ll go ahead and take my panties now, thanks.”

The Bear – (In a much lower voice) “I think LaciLu and her new panties should ride home with me.”

Jiffinner – (barely audible) “Don’t make me hurt you.”



Side note – I will be out of town until next Wednesday, so no new updates until then. I will take pics of my trip to post.

psycho?

Background: Kate and I are looking at a bunch of background pictures for our cell phones.


Jiffinner – *Points to a picture* “My husband would like that one.”

Kate – “What, that black ink dot?”

Jiffinner – “Um, Kate…That’s a bullet hole.”

Kate – “Oh, really? I thought it was an ink dot like the red ones over here.”

Jiffinner – “Uh, yeah, those aren’t ink dots. Their blood splatters.

Kate – Oh my God! Are you serious? I would sooo pass a psych evaluation!



Methinks she probably wouldn’t, nobody is that fucking innocent.

Edit: Here are the pics, judge for yourself.

letter

My brother had a project in school a while back wherein he had to make a list of the people he cared about the most. I was number three on this list, right behind my mother and father. When I asked why I had to be number three instead of number one he quickly responded, “I was going to put you as number one but then I thought about how mom would react if she ever found out you were higher on the list than she and dad. So, you see; you had to be number three ‘cuz I don’t want mom to kill me in my sleep.”

I couldn’t get mad about that because he’s right…my mother would freak.
*stage wisper* She's a little crazy like that. God, I hope she doesn't read this.

Anyway, I digress. After making the list he had to choose one person from said list and write a letter to them. I received the letter a while back, and he made an A on it.

This is why I love my brother so goddamn much…

Dear Jiffinner,

I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than most people in this world. Life really throws you a ton of curve balls, and you have helped me get through all of this just one step at a time. What would I do without you? You hold some of my deepest darkest secrets, so I don’t have to hold the burden of them on my own. Some of these secrets I still refuse to tell anyone else just because they wouldn’t understand.

Do you remember that time that we went to Missouri together to visit your dad and step-mom? It really made me feel that you really cared about me to let me invade on your personal time with your parents. That summer really showed me how close our bond was even though we couldn’t stop biting each others’ heads off. Can’t you remember those famous words I kept saying right before we left, “what if they lose me?”? then do you remember what happened, you all lost me in Wal-Mart on the very first night.

I do realize that it took you moving out and three hours away from your family for out bond to grow the strongest it has ever been, and even though we miss each other we know it’s for the best. You wouldn’t be able to help me get through my life if you couldn’t live you own. I just wanted to tell you I love you, and that you were never a half-sister to me. I’ve always believed and will always know that you are my big sister. Now I leave you with these precious words that have helped us through so many times: “it’s just a jump to the left and a step to the right.”

Yours sincerely,

Billabong

reasons to be happy today...

1. It’s Friday – while this is not the end of the work week for me it does mean that I get to wear jeans today.

2. I was able to find my favorite black shirt this morning – uber comfortable.

3. Beautiful weather today – the air is crisp and windy but not annoyingly so.

4. I’m going to SeaWorld in two days. Love that place.

5. I’m planning for a trip/vacation to Missouri to visit my dad and step-mom. Leaving the 18th.

6. Haagen-Dazs Banana Split Ice Cream

7. Good hair day

8. I’m still giggling over the fact that yesterday Kate actually said, “I get off on people googling me.”

9. Gas is down to $2.25 a gallon. Thank god.

10. No boring details that could get me fired but…great news at work.