she's gonna kill me for this

Kate is insane and I now have proof.
Things Kate said to me in conversation over the past couple of weeks…


“I don’t even need a ring, just buy me a frozen coffee.”

“If she were a man and not married, I would have married her that day.”

“It’s amazing what falls out of your ass when you stand up.”

“Fuck you! Fuck you for fucking with me, I am so sick of you fucking with me!”

“Well, check me out.”

“I just got the worst little giggle fit over that.”

“She should be, like, our little office orphan.”

‘I feel disgusting.”

“Oh, look, there’s four guys and one of them is really cute, and I’m wearing spandex shorts.”

“And I don’t have a ball so I used a cantaloupe.”

“And the lady on there? The devil lady? She tried to kill me.”

“I swear to god if they say it’s a bad idea, I’m going to go, like, 19 different kinds of ape-shit.”

“If there’s naked pictures of me on there, I didn’t take them.”

“Those were your boobs, I thought they were legs.”

“I was going to make myself pretty because Amanda’s teacher wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.”

“Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’ve had four cups of coffee. Biiiiig cups.

“Wow, your mom’s wound tight.”

“I didn’t even know it wasn’t fuzzy until I got home and looked at the picture.”

“Mushy noodles again? Yay!”

“I imagine anything over 8in. would hurt.”


And my personal favorite….

“If I’m watching porn, then I know he’s watching me watch porn and that’s just too much watching going on during sex.”